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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's often caught off guard by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Several of her friends disappeared then, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She made more effort to be my friend, likely realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday to a nation I've visited many times and lived in previously. I attempted to offer advice, however, my input met with resistance. She purely just desired my agreement with her plans. I have returned from 30 days there and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation aiming for working things out requires bravery and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. Step two is to express her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute here. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how the two of you going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably successful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She might reject all you say, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out like this and then think your perspective. And should you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you satisfaction from having been open and direct.